Tuesday, September 04, 2007

My Love Is Deeper

Okay, Jill Scott is not playing this go round. I absolutely love her first two singles, "Hate on Me" and "My Love", for totally different reasons. In the newest joint Jill is trying to get her Oscar on. She looks beautiful and she clearly has been shining her acting chops since those "Girlfriends" episodes. I think she may be on to something. Aside from the video and her gorgeousness (I know it's not a word, the message is on point.
It has me reminiscing on the ones that got away and the ones I ran away from. Got me wondering whose warming the side of the bed that I used to gravitate towards. Do they miss me? Hell, do I miss them? I can think of at least one that crosses my mind from time to time and in the words of Ms. Jilly, Did they even notice what they had? We've talked a couple of times since the ending of things. I saw him maybe a month ago and one thing lead to another. I felt cheap and he used the word "fuck" in such a manner that I knew he had me mixed up with one of those internet sluts he was "fucking". We spent 4 years, not all happy, together and we fucking like total strangers now. Call me an emotional rollercoaster, but I thought we were better than that, in fact I didn't even get my nut because I just kept seeing all these nyggas that had taken my place over the last two years. The sex was different. He looked at me differently. Where there was once "I Love You's" now were moans and grunts of passion on his end and disgust on mine. Random sex is for random people. He definitely caught me up on how was spending his time the last 740 days. But I can't blame him....I was doing my thing, but there was and probably is going to be a special place for him with me.
Back to Jill and my point, my love is deeper, tighter...I wonder if he knows this or did he even notice. He cried that night. I heard him and felt the tears on his pillow.


fuzzy said...

Would there be any harm in asking?

yet another black guy said...

man it feels like you just wrote my mental state for the last month in this post. good/sad stuff. it's just so weird and unsettling to still love someone and you've both moved on in life and the moment of purity has long since past. how do you not look back and wonder what you meant to them?